The Miracle of Implanon

Birth control had become a major pain in the a** for me because last May I had an aura migraine (which was a lot like a stroke and landed me in the ER). Migraines, even just one ever, increase the risk of stroke for women on birth control pills by enough percentage points that no self-respecting doctor will prescribe the mainstream, estrogen-containing ones to me any more. When I went in for my annual in July, and the NP told me that I could never take Yasmin or anything like it ever again, I wanted to kick her in the shins.

The next simplest thing was to take progestin-only pills, or POPs. These are the old fashioned kind of pills, from the 70s. You have to take them at a very specific time of day or else it's time for some Plan B. That whole "take it the next morning if you forgot one" thing doesn't work. That sucked, but what sucked more was that I had my period almost continuously from September through November. So I went back to the NP that I wanted to kick, because as it turns out she really is a great lady. I was about to get an IUD, which ran me the risk of perforation AND debilitating cramps for months on end. Period all the time, or cramps all the time? Gee, I don't know, they both sound SO fun. Depo is not an option because it causes serious calcium deficiency and that's just no good. Modern America, and a woman can't get some decent contraception.

But then, the miracle occurred. NP Gloria, my new best friend, showed me this magical thing called Implanon, which is an implantable birth control (it goes in your arm, much like Norplant, but without all the scary problems). It's new in this country, but has been available in Europe for 10 years (we're only a little slow on the uptake here). And it works for three years, and I don't have to do a thing after it's in. Sign me up, I tell NP Gloria. The only catch: check to make sure my insurance covers it, because it's $658. No problem.

But then, the meanies at Anthem Blue Cross tell me that Implanon is not a generic drug, it's not a brand name drug, it's this *other* category called non-formulary. So I cooked it in my basement, I ask the guy? No, it's just non-formulary [which, by it's very construction, means "without a formula." I swear, insurance is so f***ed in this country] he tells me. I try to reason with him that Implanon is a trade name, it is, in fact, a brand name drug. But there's no reasoning with insurance drones. I almost cry, because I don't have $658 kicking around.

Saved again: Mom says she'll pay (she's utterly and totally paranoid that I'm going to have about 6 babies RIGHT NOW). Nevermind that I assure her I won't, she is worried. Gloria orders up the implant, and I go to the health center to be the first CU student to subject myself to this new thing. It's a little scary, and I could have problems, but I'm willing to be a guinea pig.

Well, I got the implant. And I LOVE it. Absolutely LOVE it. I don't have to take a pill every day, it's more effective than sterilization, I can have sex whenever I want, and I haven't had my period for TWO weeks. Which, unfortunately, is miraculous. With a little luck, I'll start having it only a few times a year. (My mom did say to use back up protection when I'm ovulating, just in case. And I told her it's more effective than sterilization. I told you she was paranoid.)

To ice the cake, they are giving me the implant for free, because I was willing to submit as the first person to have it done by NP Gloria and at the health center, and because my insurance is butt-headed. Three years of miraculous, fabulous, baby-free life, for free. Hence, the miracle of Implanon.

P.S. if you want to know more, here is the website for the product.

Electronics for Kids (that should be oxymoronic)

From my treasure trove, the New York Times, an article about how kids these day vastly prefer electronic toys to traditional ones. I hate this trend, as do educators and pediatricians. But apparently, kids will have it no other way. And, basic electronic devices designed to emulate adult "toys" like cell phones and computers are insufficient. They must be relatively sophisticated and functional, or kids will reject them. To make it worse, they have come up with an acronym: KGOY, which stands for "Kids Getting Older Younger." I ask you, what if we just said "NO" to the kids? I think it's awful what we have fostered this in our children (and ourselves, but at least we"re grown ups). Toy companies are making big bucks, but our kids are becoming more ADD than ever. If you over stimulate them, they will never be easily entertained. Which is a virtue, I promise.

re: Bush's veto of Child Healthcare

Congress wanted to spend $35 billion on health care for poor children, and in vetoing that, Bush said that he is "more than willing to sit down with the leaders and [find more money]" if it is needed. Specifically, he said he'd give $5 billion over the next 5 years. Which is almost "a little more money." Except that it's actually less. A lot less. And in my world, less does not equal more. Not in dollars, anyway. I think this could be good reasoning, though, because I could go to Nordstrom and tell them I want those $245 Blinde sunglasses, and I'll even give them a little more for them, say $50. Total. Because in this new way of thinking, $50 is more than $245. And I've really been wanting to start shopping at Chanel but could never afford it before. Now that more money = calculating 1/7 the stated cost and running with it, I can be the designer dud wearing girl I've always wanted to be. This sounds like fun! I'm going shopping, armed with Bush's unflappable logic.

P.S. Congress has vowed to override the veto, and while I do want to be able to shop at Chanel, this bill needs to pass and I hope it does. Sometimes, you gotta take one for the team. Which means that today my team is comprised of poor uninsured kids. I'm okay with that.

P.P.S.: A great quote from the article: "My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."

the most famous custody battle of this year

Mostly, I just wanted to post something because I'm bored in class. Britney is losing custody of her kids, which should shock no one. Least of all her. You can't violate EVERY order given to you by a judge (blantantly and in the public eye) and expect sympathy. Judges read the news too, and maybe the tabloids even. She may be severely mentally ill (and I'm inclined to think she is), but she can't still be alive and be this stupid. I am really struggling to understand her whole thing. Naked in front of bodyguards (good thing they had instructions to "act coy" when she does that), drugs with Howie Day, all the infamous car seat/lack of car seat stuff, trashing a house she was touring with a realtor, that awesome OK Magazine photo shoot with the dog pooping on the dress etc., and so on and so forth. What the hell is going on here?

Editor's Note: Apparently, some see the revocation of custody as a big shock that no one saw coming. Who are these people? And are they blind?

Thoughts on the severely retarded

When children are born with severe developmental disabilities (like the kind where the kid can't feel any pain and chews of it's own limbs), why isn't euthanasia accepted? It seems cruel to let them survive. We wouldn't allow a dog in a lot of pain or who was suffering live. We would "put it down." Isn't it a violation of human rights (or at least really mean and cruel) to keep some child alive who just hurts all the time, who can't have friends, who doesn't understand, and will probably die young but after years of misery?