HeeHeeHeeee

So I was going to publish this hilarious comic, but the HTML doesn't work and cuts most of it off. But here's what it says:

After refusing to sign the Kyoto Protocol for almost a decade, on Monday George Bush announced an initiative to "get rid of 100% of U.S. greenhouses."

It's funnier as a comic, but I had to post it somehow.

My Ethics Class is Bulls***, Part I

I say Part I because I am sure that I will have MANY more gems to share with you over the semester, if I bother to take the time. I know this is long, but you should read it because it is total, utter trash. I had to read it for class. But then we talked about substance abuse during class.
1. Question: How much money does it take to be happy?

Answer: It takes about $40,000. It does not matter how many kids you have or what city you live in—that’s splitting hairs because peoples’ happiness levels are largely based on their level of optimism and the quality of their relationships. So as long as you have enough money for food and shelter, your optimism level kicks in to dictate how happy you are.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This point is ok, and I agree with it to the extent that a family could be supported with $40k/year.

2. Question: Is it more important to be competent or likable?

Answer: People would actually rather work with someone who is incompetent and likeable than competent and unlikable. Most people nod in agreement when they read this. It’s the unlikable people who form arguments in their head.

But there’s more. At work, if you are unlikable, people start thinking you are less competent. So stop thinking you can skate by on your genius IQ because you can’t. You need emotional intelligence as well. This situation is so pronounced that there are special-education classrooms rife with kids who could read when they were three. Social skills matter as much as intelligence when it comes to long-term success, even for the geniuses.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I have had to work with incompetent people, and it is one of THE most frustrating thing. How about we don't reward incompetence?

3. Question: Should I sue a boss who is sexually harassing me?

Answer: In most cases, you will destroy your career if you report sexual harassment. So unless you are in physical danger, you should not report harassment. The laws governing sexual harassment don’t protect women who report. The law protects companies from being sued by the women who report. Human resource professionals are trained to protect the company, not the woman who reports.

When you report harassment it is usually the case that you lose your job through retaliation. Retaliation is illegal but nearly impossible to prove in court. And, even if you could prove it in court, you would go through emotional hell, with no salary, and high-profile drama that makes you unable to get another job. All this for a settlement that will almost certainly not enable you to retire.

This is simply how the legal system works. I am not saying this is okay. But I’m saying that if you care about your career, you’ll do everything possible to not report. Most women are not in the position to sacrifice their career—and their earning power—in the name of trying to bring down one harasser. The legal system needs to step in and take care of this.

EDITOR'S NOTE: My ETHICS professor is telling us that we shouldn't sue somebody for doing something ILLEGAL. Turn a blind eye? Isn't that UNETHICAL? I know it's at least amoral.

4. Question: When should I ask for a promotion?

Answer: Maybe never. The average salary increase is four percent. Is that going to change your life in any meaningful way? On top of that, someone is promoting you up their ladder, but their ladder is not necessarily your best path. So stay focused on where you want to go instead of the paths other people have created for you.

Getting a promotion is so last century. Instead of letting last century’s carrots dictate your workplace rewards, figure out what will be really meaningful to you: training, mentoring, flex time, whatever it is that means more than four percent more money. These are all things that can really improve your life and your career.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I just got a 25% raise, and let me tell you, it means more to me than, say, mentoring. Or training. I can train myself at my new, higher, hourly wage.

5. Question: Is being a generalist or a specialist the path to the executive suite?

Answer: In Hollywood, the best way to get your pick of any role in the industry is to become a specialist—funny guy, tough girl, action hero—get known for being the best at something, and then use that star-power to branch out. The same is true in business.

Jobs that don’t require a specialty are low level. To move up you need to be great at something, and you have to let people know what you don’t do. No one is great at everything. Even if your goal is not to get to the executive suite, you should specialize. When you want to take five months off to hike in Tibet, if you are easily replaced, you will be. If you have a skill that is hard to duplicate, your job will be there for you when you get back.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I have no comment.

6. Question: What do I do about the gaps in my resume when I traveled or couldn’t find a job?

Answer: Talk about them well. A gap is really bad if you spent your days on your sofa watching cartoons. But if you watched cartoons to prepare for your next career move into children’s programming, then you sound focused and driven. Same TV, same sofa, two different stories.

People don’t want to hear your life story. This is good news for people with sofa stints. In almost all cases, you learn something during a gap. Tell a great story about what you’ve learned and where you’re going, and your gap won’t get center stage. Leaving out details is not about lying; it’s about telling good stories.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This, again, seems amoral at best. It's at least not the kind of thing I think my ethics teachers should be forcing on me.

7. Question: Will getting an MBA or any other type of advanced degree be a good use of time and money since I can’t find a job?

Answer: No. If you can’t find a job, then you should invest in something like better grooming, or a better resume, or a coach for poor social skills. These are the things that keep people from getting jobs. Instead of running back to school, figure out why you can’t get a job, because maybe it’s something that a degree can’t overcome.

Grad school generally makes you less employable, not more employable. For example, people who get a graduate degree in the humanities would have had a better chance of surviving the Titanic than getting a tenured teaching job.

Unless you are going to a top business school at the beginning of your career, you should not stop working in order to get the degree. Go to night school because you will not make up for the loss of income with the extra credential.

Law school is one of the only graduate degrees that makes you more employable. Unfortunately it makes you more employable in the profession where people are more unhappy. Law school rewards perfectionism, and perfectionism is a risk factor for depression. Lawyers have little control over their work and hours, because they are at the beck-and-call of their clients, and many are constantly working with clients who have problems lawyers cannot solve. These two traits in a job—lack of control over workload and compromised ability to reach stated goals—are the two biggest causes for burnout in jobs.

[May I interject here? I went to law school for two weeks and quit when I was young! Guy]

EDITOR'S NOTE: So the only advanced degree that is worth anything is a law degree but that will make you utterly miserable. Well, that's just swell. I might add that I think many people with advanced degrees in, say, engineering, are better off with that degree than they would be without. Also, for anyone who has read Barbara Ehrenreich's Bait and Switch knows that she threw tons of money at the grooming etc. techniques mentioned in this point and it got her NOWHERE. It seems that my professor is telling all of us to quit. OH, the professor just said that a Coach is coming in on Thursday to tell us about that. How excellent.

8. Question: What’s the ideal length of a resume in a world where every resume is electronic and not viewed printed out on paper?

Answer: A page. Still. Your resume is a marketing document, not a summary of your life, so every line should be about an accomplishment. The more amazing your accomplishments, the fewer you need to list. For example, if you can write “Evangelized Macintosh and made it one of the most beloved brands in the world,” then you don’t need any other sales and marketing bullets on your resume.

If you have totally lost perspective, and you think you have two page’s worth of incredible and relevant achievements, consider that hiring managers spend ten seconds evaluating a resume, and a scanner looks for ten keywords, which certainly fit on one page.

So unless you have a great connection with the hiring manager, and you know he’ll look at both pages, don’t bother sending them. And if you do have that great connection then you are probably going to get an interview even if your resume sucks.

EDITOR: No comment.

9. Question: How should I prepare for an interview?

Answer: An interview is a test you can study for. So memorize answers to the fifty most common questions. Most interviewers ask standard variations on standard questions, and there are right answers to these questions.

Whether you are a stripper or a CIA agent, the answer to the question, “What is your weakness?” is a story about how your weakness interfered at work—in a specific situation—and you overcame it. Most of your other answers should be stories, too. This means you need to make them up before you get to the interview. Stories of your life are memorable. Lists of your life are not. Be memorable if you want to be hired.

Another way to prepare is to go to the gym right before the interview. It doesn’t matter if you never go to the gym—although you should, because people who workout regularly are more successful in their careers. You should go right before an interview because people judge you first on your appearance, and if do heavy lifting with your back and stomach muscles you will stand up much straighter in the interview. This will make you look more confident, which is half the battle in being judged by appearance.

EDITOR'S NOTE: WHAT?!?! I'm supposed to go to the gym and try to throw out my back (remember how they always tell you to lift with your legs, not with your back?) before an interview? Perfect, I'm sure the way to get a job is to call just before the interview and say, "sorry I can't make it, I threw out my back trying to have good posture during the interview I can't make it to."

10. Question: What’s the right strategy for the search for a first job out of college?

Answer: Don’t place too much importance on your first job. You’ll have a lot more. Most people have eight jobs before they turn thirty, and that’s fine. It is nearly impossible to know what career will be a good fit for you until you start trying things. So give yourself the latitude to try a lot. And don’t get hung up on a big soul search. To land a great job, you don’t need to know the meaning of life, just the meaning of hard work.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I agree with this one.

11. Question: Do only losers live at home after college?

Answer: On some level it would be insane not to move back home, which is why more than fifty percent of graduating seniors do it. Moving back to your parent’s house is a smart step toward finding a career that’s right for you.

Entry level jobs typically cannot cover the cost of rent, college loan payments, and insurance premiums—all of which are rising faster than wages. If you don’t have to worry about paying rent, you have more flexibility to wait for the right job and to take a job that feels very right but pays very poorly. The rise of the prestigious but unpaid internship intersects perfectly with trend to move back home.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I also agree with this one, but doesn't anyone else see the problem here? The elimination of the middle class? We need some big changes, and this little answer just reinforces the problem, rather than addressing it.

12. Question: What should I do if I work for a jerk?

Answer: Leave. I know there are classic Bob Sutton examples of revered jerks like Steve Jobs, but I wonder about the people who put up with him. Can they not find another visionary to work for who is not such a jerk?

Staying in a job like this makes you look bad. People wonder why you put up with it. And, frankly, you should too. It’s like being an abused wife. The wife who stays always defends the relationship by how much she gets out of it, but to everyone else it is obvious that she should leave. The problem is a loss of personal perspective.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Again, no comment except to say that the "visionary who is not a jerk" may not exist. But do you have to work for a visionary?

Remember the Urban Legend about Stolen Kidneys?

Well, it happens in India. Here is an article (in the NYTimes, of course), about people who were either selling their kidneys, or were having them stolen, like in the urban legend. It opens with the story of a day laborer who woke up in a clinic with a bandage on his side and the armed guards told him he had had a kidney removed. The racket doing this, apparently, was quite huge. So, it's not an urban legend after all (though it doesn't appear that anyone woke up in a bathtub full of ice).

Here's somthing frustrating

My boss invited me to an event, for which I had to go buy a cocktail dress as I didn't own one. But apparently, we aren't going to the event, but he didn't think that it was important to tell me, so I've been going along as though I need to plan for a big fancy political event and will need to prepare to leave another event early (the latter event requires a great deal of my attention, so I have to make sure no crises will occur, which has already been a great expenditure of effort). At what point did he think it was ok not to tell me this, even though he's been emailing me all day about other stuff? He told the other invitee, my co-worker, and she told me, but why was it that he bothered to tell her and not me?

UPDATE: It turns out that the invitation may have been rescinded (from both myself and my co-worker) because a mistress was invited instead and the number of available slots was miscalculated. Pure hearsay at this point, but oooh it's juicy!

Survey to fill class time

I can't go to sleep without....?
A clock nearby and a backrub [thanks Rex!]

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
Stilettos and probably casebooks

I have an irrational fear of:
Suffocating and/or drowning. I almost hyperventilate thinking about it.

What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
It's been ages, but lots of baked goods [from scratch!] are usually around

What weight were you when you were born?
No idea, except I know I was "average"

Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
I can barely stand to spend 3 minutes on MySpace, so no.

I am too old to be:
Having my mom do my laundry. But she insists when she's in town!

I find the thought of childbirth:
Drugs. Please.

My feet are:
Toasty in my boots.

My preferred style of jeans is:
Red Engine because they are PERFECT!

I know how to cook:
Very well. Evidence: my cocktail party.

I am annoyed at:
My ethics class, which is where I am right now, and which I have to attend TWICE today and had 20-some-odd separate reading assignments just for today.

Men should always:
Try not to be such assholes [Rex excluded]

Women should never:
Feel bad about "Acting like a woman/girl/bitch"

What sea creature scares you?
Lots of them, including everything until recently. Jellyfish in particular.

What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
At the moment? Dark in ponytails.

What object have you broken most recently?
Champagne glass and possibly the broiler door.

What was the last thing to make you cry?
A friend's death.

What are the stems of wine glasses for?
So that your hand doesn't affect the temperature of the wine [especially important with reds not to heat them up]

My favortie shoes are?
Impossible! The black and white patent ones are currently my favorite heels, but my black ugg boots are so practical and toasty, ditto for the moccasins.

Can you use chopsticks?
But of course.

Do you prefer beaches or forests?
Depends on how I feel about sand at the time. Sometimes it makes me cringe.

What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
Failure to Launch, and only because of Zooey Deschanel.

What's your current problem?
Well, I've mentioned this ethics class. On a bigger scale? I really can't complain [yes, I know I'm lucky]

Have you ever been in love?
Yep.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Mmmm, don't think so.

Do you believe you truly only love once?
No.

Have you ever found it hard to tell some one you like them, scared it will ruin your friendship?
Don't think so.

Any secrets?
Well, only in the sense that Rex knows them too.

Other than your name, what was the last name someone called you?
Probably parepare. Maybe honey.

How old were your parents when you were born?
35.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman?
Both. I had a bunch [it was like high school]

What was the last thing you drank?
Coffee!

At what age do you think a person starts to get old?
Whenever they want.

What was the last thing you celebrated?
Had a big party for no reason other than to see friends. H's hickey?

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?
Wisdom teeth. And now, I'll never be wise.

What was the first job you ever had?
Handworks, making sure kids didn't steal stuff. I was 11.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower?
Face then hair then body then condition

Do you think you will vote this year?
Anyone who doesn't is a bigger moron than words can describe.

What was the last thing you cooked in the oven?
Chicken teriyaki at 3 am [for the aforementioned party]

What craft do you think you're good at?
Well, I scrap book and knit, but I'm not sure I'm good at either. I am an excellent hostess if that's a craft.

What was the first tape/cd/record you owned?
Raffi, probably.

Have you ever eaten something other people might think is gross?
Someone out there thinks just about everything is gross, so I'm sure I have.

What famous person do you like that others may not?
Lilo?

Have you ever invented anything?
Bubble gum reflavoring spray

Who do you think you clash with the most?
Mom?

What time of day are you most likely sitting on your couch?
8 pm. With a casebook and a cat.

What color is your toothbrush?
Hot pink!

What is the closest grocery store to your house?
Safeway and King Soopers are both equally close.

When was the last time you colored with crayons?
When I brought some with me to the Boulder Cafe

Have you ever owned a plant? What was it?
Are there people who have only ever owned A plant?

Have you met anyone famous?
I grew up knowing Heidi Montag. And she IS just that bad, maybe worse. Though I dunno if she's "famous"

What was the worst injury you have ever had?
Scariest was the aura migraine that manifested like a stroke, worst was the wrist that I broke and had to have rebroken.

At Thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for?
Salad, since we eat that first.

When you were a kid, who was your best pal?
Heery then Amanda

Do you have any special talents?
Define "special."

Have you ever been to a nursing home?
Yes, and I still think about the lady that thought she was on fire and that I wouldn't help her [because I couldn't, she wasn't on fire]

What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up?
My parents owned a restaurant.

Have you ever known anyone thats been on tv, including you?
See above. Also my friend Dave, I think.

What was the first video game you ever played?
PacMan

What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed?
My cat? Mom's earrings? Anything that was a significant [not expensive, but meaningful] gift.

Do you have a favorite breakfast item?
Bacon? Bloody Mary?

What do you find yourself buying all the time?
Lots of things. Too many things.

When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail?
Cody said he was sending me a postcard!

Do you have a most prized piece of jewelry?
Mom's earrings and my green necklace.

Do you own any board games?
Scrabble, Boggle, Yahtzee, Uno, Set, Skip Bo, lots of cards

What article of clothing would you say you need more of in your wardrobe?
Professional wear

What chore seems the most daunting right now?
Mom cleaned my house. Life is good.

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?
Yes, then they stole my car.

What is your favorite cheese?
Goat cheese [chevre]

Drama- Heath Ledger Died

Paparazzi story! Heath Ledger died, and was found naked and surrounded by pills in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment in SoHo. Apparently they don't know why he was in her apartment, cause she'd in LA. A masseuse and a housekeeper found him. Hmm, maybe I'll take the whole bottle of narcotics... Stupid thing to do when you have a 2-year-old.

Flesh Eating Bacteria

Does anyone else remember when flesh eating bacteria was extremely rare, and pretty much just the stuff of science fiction? Well, it's baaack, and apparently a new vicious and increasingly common strain is affecting gay men in disproportionate numbers. NYTimes has the article, here. Is it just me, or does it sometimes seem like the conservatives have some power to control things they don't like? The world is sh**ting on an already disadvantaged population. AGAIN. And given that this can transmit through simple touching and even touching contaminated surfaces, why is it attacking gay men? I would understand if it were only transmitted through anal sex, but that is only one way in which it's transmitted.

John Wheeler, a friend I miss already. RIP.

A friend that I have known for more than 10 years (more like 15) died on Monday night, January 7. His name was John Claude Wheeler, and he was a truly great individual. It appears that he fell down in the shower and hit his head. Though not a close friend of mine, John was a friend to many around him, from his time as a high school student in the Butte, to checking groceries at Clark's, to impressing the hell out of me (and many others I'm sure) by opening the Forest Queen with his brother and sister. Not only did they do a great job setting up the Forest Queen Sports Bar (and boy, was John good at Karaoke!), but thanks to John, the hotel got up and running for the first time in years. Every time I talked to him, he made me proud of a local kid with stories of his business acumen and with his great and boundless enthusiasm. John was truly one of a kind, and I will surely miss him. And I know many others will too. 

John, I hope you are in a better place. Your passing has made me truly sad, but has also reminded me to appreciate all that I am so lucky to have.

Worst Credit Card Company EVER!

A piece of advice: don't EVER do business with Barclay's Bank, aka Juniper Bank. These companies (or this company?) operates Frontier Airlines' mastercards. I lover Frontier, but the bank they have chosen SUCKS. I signed up for the card to get miles (I fly Frontier to Austin a whole bunch), and for the 0% interest on balance transfers. I transferred $3,000 to the card, and since I did so about three months ago, I have paid and paid and paid, both monetarily and stress-wise for doing it. Random, inexplicable fees keep showing up. The latest, a $46 finance charge. I call. I'm supposed to have 0% on balance transfers and that's the ONLY thing on the card. I've never used it for a purchase. No, not a cash advance either. So the lady keeps making stuff up. Maybe it's this? No, maybe this? Hmmm, let me put you on hold for a LONG time.
Before, I had two big fees show up that I couldn't explain, so I called and the guy told me that it was Wachovia's fault and he couldn't refund the money because it was a Wachovia charge. Mind you, my bank is NOT Wachovia, and the credit card is not operated by Wachovia. So why is Wachovia suddenly charging me $40 through Juniper Bank? Who knows. I only got that refunded because I spend hours on the phone talking to "supervisors." So far, it has cost me about $150 (or is it $200?) just to have this card, so I could save money on interest. That idea DID NOT WORK, and now I'm going to have to pay the fees to transfer the balances back to the cards they were on, pay interest on the debt again, and maybe cry. This has been one expensive money-saving venture. And I'm still on hold.

Happy New Year!

Well, it's 2008, and I'm in Austin having a grand ole time. Champagne was just $28 per bottle for Moet & Chandon in Belize at duty free, so I've enjoyed some great bubbly and a fabulous time all around. Plus, it was my first new year's with Rex, and we had a magnificent dinner at Jeffrey's in Austin, with Katie. Then, a nice party with sparklers and poppers and champagne and noise makers. Then, home to the hot tub and another bottle of Moet & Chandon, to round out the best new years to date. Happy new year, everyone. And hurrah, it's election year (do we need this or what).