Ralph

The doctor says I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I could just keep my finger outta there!

Epi-LASIK

Eye surgery is cool and fast, but I'm blinder than a bat right now. And yes, still typing on the computer, albeit like Stevie Wonder with my eyes closed (seriously), and my nose about two inches from the screen when I open them to navigate. Ordering dinner was interesting, plus the side effects have been icky (with Rex, not the drugs). But what can you do. I still had to go online to do some work, and I'm bored because I can neither read nor watch television (I brought two books and a newspaper, plus about 5 dvds). But I can type, oh how I can type with my eyes closed (reading with eyes closed is MUCH harder). But, I loved the LASIK doctor, and I can already see much much better in my right eye. The left will be done later, and then I'll be able to SEE SEE SEE like a normal person!

Overeaters Anonymous

After writing the last post ("FAT people"), I went to the OA website, and now I'm fascinated. Like I said before, I have and irrational fear of becoming fat, and it comes with an unhealthy obsession with fat people. I stare, I lack tact, I overreact. Like the woman at the Snoop Dogg show with her vagina at her knees. I mean, how do you ignore such a thing. Anyway, I'm off track. This is supposed to be about OA. Here is the quiz to see if OA is for you:

1. Do you eat when you're not hungry?
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?

Have you answered yes to three or more of these questions? If so, it is probable that you have or are well on your way to having a compulsive overeating problem. We have found that the way to arrest this progressive disease is to practice the Twelve-Step recovery program of Overeaters Anonymous.

BTW, I answered yes to three or more. And sometimes I feel like a compulsive overeater. But I'm only pudgy, not FAT (size 12, 5'8," pretty reasonable, I think). But it scares me, that's for damn sure. Trembling in my boots, scary, makes me feel funny, not ok scares me. I'll say it a third time- irrational fear.

FAT people

As you may know, I have an irrational fear of getting fat. Fat fat, as in obese (though I don't really want to be just regular fat either-gah!). Here is an article about a 900 pound man (that would be nearly 6 of me all bundled together). This man had not left his house since 2003 (four years for those of you bad at math). A nurse became worried about his health, and so in order to get him to a hospital firefighters had to come and had to rip a hole in the side of the house, build a platform for a forklift, forklift him out, and transport him by flatbed truck. That's right folks. Flatbed truck. Like the kind used to move cars, or better yet, large farm/construction equipment. Humiliating, eh?

As a sidebar, this guy does have Prader-Willi syndrome, the genetic disorder that causes what I thought of until today as "legitimate" obesity. I am revising my opinion about that. This disorder causes people to constantly feel really hungry, which can lead to "overeating and life-threatening obesity" (from above linked article). To me, that sounds just like how regular people get fat. They keep eating and eating and eating (and eating and eating and so on), never apparently feel "full." And most of these people don't have Prader Willi. Why can't those with the disorder to what compulsive overeaters must do, and just STOP. They have OA, gastric bypass, you name it. I believe there are more effective treatments for obesity than for alcoholism and other addictions. I don't care if you're still hungry, if you're enormously FAT, you're costing me money in your unreasonable medical expenses, all for something that you brought upon yourself. So put down those cheetos, that ginormous Pepsi, and the bucket of ice cream. Take a walk, join a gym, hell, just walk to the fridge and throw out all your crappy food. It's a start.

Evolution

This article makes me feel like frat guys (and all those a**holes at the Buff game last Saturday) have failed to evolve. If evolution may be the key to moral behavior, then those that act as though they lack morals must be unevolved, right? Science doesn't lie (usually).

Awesome news headline

CNN online today had an outstanding headline: "Man puts rattlesnake in mouth, gets bitten." Really? It bit him? I wouldn't have thought that putting a rattlesnake in your mouth would piss it off, but alas, it did, and was considered front-page newsworthy. That's good journalism.

I have an opinion...

When I am looking at a concert lineup for a festival at Red Rocks, and I click on a band's link, if that link takes me to MySpace, that band is instantly fired. Discounted from being a potentially ok band. If you want to be a legit band, get a real damn website. MySpace is for pedophiles and people with nothing to do (yes, I have an account), not for legitimate business. Hmmm, maybe I can make it big as a lawyer with my MySpace account. Seriously. I thought maybe this band from the UK would be fun and new and exciting, but now I will never know, because I can't check them out. Because their "website" is a MySpace page.

Editor's Note: So it turns out that I was wrong about this particular band. The band is called The Editors, and they rock, and they DO have a real website. Red Rocks just thought that viewers would prefer the MySpace link (why, I ask you, why?!?). However, my above opinion still holds for those bands with MySpace pages only.

Fabulous news article

So it turns out that liberals are actually more open minded and flexible than political conservatives. The L.A. Times has printed an article about a study performed by UCLA and NYU scientists (pretty credible institutions) to that effect. Are all those hours spent debating with conservatives a waste of time? They really are more closed-minded, and are hardwired that way. Liberals were found to be more accurate, and more willing to accept new social, scientific, or religious ideas. How sad. I'm so glad I'm a liberal (and, therefore, more tolerant of conflict and ambiguity, and more willing to accept new ideas).

Brew at the Zoo (and wine too!)

Rex and I went to Brew at the Zoo last night, which is an all-you-can-drink beer festival, with lots of food, at the Denver Zoo. It's one of the most awesome events ever. You pay $50 ($40 if you're a zoo member like myself), and drink and eat all that you want. Interesting to note, however, that every single time I got in line for the first hour and a half of the event, someone cut in front of me. Every time. I felt like I had a note plastered to my forehead that said, "no, I'm not actually in line, I'm just standing here with this empty glass for no reason." The people watching was also pretty spectacular, and the dessert table never had a line the whole night. The mini-cheesecakes and hot apple pie were AMAZING. I now have two temporary tattoos and about 10 new favorite beers. I'll be going to Brew at the Zoo every year from now on.

Snoop Dogg

Rex and I went to a Snoop Dogg concert at the Fillmore Auditorium last night. And it was awesome. The people watching was just about the greatest ever. I saw a woman so fat her cha hung down to her knees. Lots and lots of short short skirts and stiletto heels (most of these girls were really struggling to walk/stay upright). Really drunk people. Lots of awesome white boy dancing. Plus, I never thought I'd end up at a Snoop show, and it was SO much fun. I knew all the old songs! (because I'm old- I've been listening to Snoop for about 13 years, which is more than half my life).

This guy is either cleverly entertaining, or

he is very, very crazy. Read this. I can't decide which, but his presence in a federal penitentiary might indicate the latter. Either way, I like ripping on Barry Bonds. I can't decide which was cooler: Bonds' storing HGH in Hank Aaron's corked bat (which he also used to crack the liberty bell), or Riches (plaintiff) bugging booth #10 at the Steak and Shake to catch Bonds in the act.

What not to name your kids

I'm sitting at Starbucks, and I just overheard this girl say into her phone, "Hey Chrissy, it's Britney..." and I thought to myself: what cruel parents to name kids such things. On the upside, it did kind of make me feel better about NOT being named Chrissy. Or Britney. Or Vicki, or Missy, or just plain Tacky.